Growing pains (a poem)
I claw at the earth beneath me. My fingernails fill with dirt as I let myself be.
Animalistic and craved;
I think myself brave.
Brave to crawl on my knees before standing up tall.
Screaming into the air instead of folding into a ball.
I am hungry. I am pained.
The trees stand around me and the sky cries with rain.
How does one grow tired from something billions crave?
I pray God forgives me for not wanting to be tamed.
I have outgrown the box that has been home.
Writing that statement makes me want to run and be alone.
I yearn to fly but what if I fall?
What will I do if I have no one to call?
No one to dry my tears and draw me near.
No one to calm my heart and mind that is filled with fear.
Inside of me, that hunger is a pain.
I think I'd rather be small.
Palatable and treated like a doll.
But it feels so wrong, the blending in.
The hunger inside yearns to leave the den.
What am I waiting for? The world awaits.
But I'm afraid it won't come with the sweetness of morning pancakes.
I am afraid it will feel too sudden, to real.
And once I make that step, my only choice will be to deal.
Life and it's frustrating decisions.
I pray to God to bless me with the visions.
Visions that I can't yet see.
Visions that will simply allow me to breathe.
Breathe in the freshness of the air and the salt of the sea.
The pine in the backyard and the tall trees.
I can't tell you what I want as it is indescriptive and blurry.
All I can tell you is it fills me up with such a flurry.
The energy is restless and desperate in its need to be.
Desperate to drop the pretenses and introduce myself to me.